she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my poor anus
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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