my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
