My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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