I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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