Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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