I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
