I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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