I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Holy shit dude........stairs
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