I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
