I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fuck me I smell like cheese
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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