brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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