This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
