I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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