you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
