i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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