we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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