Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
