BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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