i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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