I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
