Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
