First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
