Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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