I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize