My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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