I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
