...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
