I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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