I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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