I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
