she woke up with a sticky ear
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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