I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
