You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize