R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
