woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
