we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize