He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Non-Jews are for practice
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
