Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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