1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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