I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
