I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
