there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
