you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
