Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
