yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When are your genitals available?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
