I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
two words: eviction party
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
