In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
