You're completely useless in the revolution.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
