It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize