I'm so fucking centered right now
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
