I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
