we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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