She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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