Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
