Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
