I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
