birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
