Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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