This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm really busy with my period
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