We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
