he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
