can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
