I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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