Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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