I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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