I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
