My pussy is not your playground.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
