If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
