drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
