she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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