The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
