He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
