yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
