Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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