I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
