When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
