I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize