The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
