Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
3pm strippers are depressing
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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