Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
