it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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