You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
