it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
