Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
