you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
