what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
