I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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