there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
