For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
