That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
