ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He did a backflip because drugs
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