I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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