Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
