I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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