Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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